a personal loss

நெருநல் உளன் ஒருவன் இன்றில்லை எனும் பெருமை உடைத்து இவ்வுலகு

திருவள்ளுவர்

the greatness of this world is that everything is impermanent, the one who was alive yesterday is not there today

Thiruvalluvar

I lost my father on Diwali night.
It was totally unexpected.He was 73 and keeping good health except some diabetes problem.
He had gone to our native place in Tamilnadu for a marriage.
At ten Pm he developed some difficulty.
He was dead by 2 am in spite of giving medical help.Mother ,aunt and my cousin sister were with him.
It was a great loss.
He had varied contacts in my home town Calicut and everybody had good things to say about him.Especially about his positive attitude and cheerfulness.
What I am now is because of him.
I would never have seen the door step of REC calicut had it not been for his taking up the challenge in spite of his financial circumstances( as a clerk with a timber trader). Always he encouraged me to take risks and never chided me when things were not working as planned .
It is my belief that I have done my duty to him,but still I feel I could have done better .
Tears are not allowing me to proceed further.
My his soul rest in peace .

SMS "Threats"

Recently I came across one problem incident in one of my friends' place.
He is working abroad and his wife is staying in a flat with their kids.
One of her neighbor /friends' husband started sending obscene SMS messages at night to her asking her for sexual favours.The friend of hers was also staying with family the same apartment complex.
During the day , when the couple met her, the husband behaved normally.This continued and one night when the wife was away , he made calls on her mobile phone repeatedly.She did not take calls.
At last she got so worked up that she took the call and gave him a piece of her mind and asked him to back off.The offender apologised and asked her to forget the incident.
He has repeated this with other "single /husband abroad "wives in the same complex after that also.
Now my friend's wife is in the verge of a mental depression due to this incident .
What to make out of this incident?
We pride ourselves in being educated and forward looking, but I feel we have more uncivilized people among us , but we have more modern gadgets.ARE WE EDUCATED BRUTES?

உலகத்தோடு ஓட்டொழுகல் பல கற்றும் கல்லார் அறிவிலாதார்
திருக்குறள்
Those who have studied a lot but cannot flow with the world are ignorant
----Thirukkural

Recently I went a client's place.
The manager told me that they are seriously considering banning inter departmental electronic mail in their company.
I asked "why".
He said it is because a junior employee in the form forwarded a mail to a very senior person and that person did not take it lightly and complained to the MD.
The MD then called the manager and told him it is better to ban internal email in order to maintain hierarchy .
The manager replied "sir, we will think about it later " and dodged it.
Later nobody followed it up.So they have e mail still.
Conclusion : Even now there are such anachronistic people !!!!!!!!!!

the agony of a father

மகன் தந்தைக்கு ஆற்றும் உதவி இவன தந்தை என்நோற்றான் கொல் எனும் சொல் - திருக்குறள்
The son should take care of his father in such a manner that the world wonders what penance the father did to merit such a son _ THIRUKKURAL

I met KB uncle (a self made man of seventy five years age) last week by chance, after a long gap, in a hospital canteen. His wife was in hospital due to an inflammation in her knee. He has three sons and a daughter.
No son is at his side when his wife is not well. The daughter is of some help.
He was in the personal staff of my Grandfather in 1940s. Later he joined a multinational bank and retired as a manager
Let us come to the reason for the title
KB gave all comforts to his children and I have always wondered at their comforts when I was a kid.The youngest son was the darling of the house.
This son has developed a feeling that the father will bequeath his self made property exclusively to the daughter.
The youngest son’s wife, out of ill will, has slapped a case of dowry harassment(untrue) on the parents and the daughter. The father in turn has got an injunction order that the son neither should enter his house.
The other two daughters in law are no different, but less damaging.
Now the case is in the family adalat and the next hearing is in next week.
Looking at the father’s tears I feel “what sin this well meaning man would have committed to have such a son”.
What a pity.

A THIEF’S LOGIC

A THIEF’S LOGIC

I met a young Taxi driver in our metro town. He had to drop me over distance of thirty five kilometers from my client’s place to reach the Railway station (from where I could catch my train for home).So many traffic signals and so many traffic jams were encountered .

We started conversing,(rather, he did the talking about himself and I did the listening)

The gist of his story is as follows:

He went to school till eighth standard only. His parents are rural peasants.

He worked as a bus cleaner, and then got promoted as bus driver. Later he became a tank truck driver to transport precious liquid cargo from our metro to the neighboring state.

He dropped out of school to support the studies of his sisters (one elder and another younger).The elder one is now a teacher in a school after doing her bachelor of Education. He married her off to a decent guy with enough dowry and jewels (all out of his own earnings).He has rebuilt his house also. The younger one is still studying. He is still single.

Let us come to the reason for the title given above. He made all this money in a short while in a racket.

He could do it by siphoning off the precious cargo (with help of his cleaner) from the tank truck .I asked him how it is possible (because it gets sealed at the point of filling).He said there are ways to do it.

Per trip he made Rs4000/= from the above and there were about ten trips in a month. All this is in addition to his salary and allowances.

He had to quit this line of activity due to acute ill health.

Now he is a taxi driver.

His logic is “WHEN I STEAL FROM AN INSTITUTION, IT IS OK, I AM NOT CHEATING A PERSON” & ” I DID IT FOR A NOBLE PURPOSE”

Somewhat like the logic of Valmiki the writer of Ramayana. What do you feel?

Most of the freely flowing money we see around us comes from such dubious sources and we all are adversely affected by the inflation it creates. Nobody asks about the source of income .

Is it a trend of the times?

As always, Every thief has his logic. But when we are at the receiving end, it pains.

Effectiveness of training.

I conducted a two day training programme on self development (12 participants)for one of my retailer clients 2 months back..
The Md of the company later sent me a mail saying "My Manager says that many people have resigned from my co ,after your training'.
I called up the Manager and asked what happened?
He said one person went abroad,another wanted to start on his own,another left due to a fracas in the co and another is trying for a new job.
Your training has motivated them to think clearly and take clear decisions.
I am not sure whether this is a compliment or a complaint.

about loose talk

We have a tendency to talk too much and later regret.Many people talk unthinkingly.
the sage thiruvalluvar says " சொல்லுக சொல்லிற் பயன் உட ய, சொல்லற்க சொல்லிற் பயன் இலாத சொல் ".
I suggest EDIT BEFORE YOU TALK.
nobody will get hurt if you talk a little slowly.The sky will not fall down if you do not talk fast .
pay attention to the place, context and people and then talk appropriately .
Try to be silent,if possible

about life's secrets - LIFE as YAJNA

I have been reading a book about "the Five secrets you should know before you die" , by JOHN IZZO.
On of the secrets is ' GIVE more that you TAKE"
This is also the secret of living life as a yajna (sacrifice)as per our Indian philosophy.
For example is there any person in the world who has completely redeemed his debt to his mother?
Hence we have the concept of sacrifice for society "nruyajna" so that when we are children, we take much from the society, when are adults we should aim to give back.
Looking at society as a by stander I see many people who are past middle age , but still are good at taking rather than giving.
The concept in the Semitic religions of DZAKATT also connotes the same thing .
True happiness comes from being a giving person.
But society names such people as FOOLS.
TRY GIVING, THEN YOU WILL LEARN THE HAPPINESS OF LIFE AS YAJNA .
This I say from experience .
just try to give your seat to an old man in a bus even if it means that you have to stand for 2 hours in the bus for the rest of your journey.Help someone carrying a heavy load.Lend your ear to a person in difficulty.
You will find true happiness.

elegy of a marriage

Many people I know are nowadays undergoing a surge in their married lives which is creating too much stress on them physically and mentally. Marriage becomes unsustainable. The symptoms include physical and verbal abuse of each other.

It may also include permanent separation.

The Common Reasons I have found in these are

1. TOO MUCH TAKE and NO GIVE

One partner always is accommodating and the other partner takes it

as a sign of weakness and becomes more demanding

2. REMOTE CONTROL by PARENTS

I know one male partner who will call his parents for instructions on long-distance phone at least three times a day .Some mothers also manipulate their daughters to be cunning and cut throat through constant indoctrination. If the mother or father is a widow /widower or living separately, all the more dangerous it is in this matter >

I know a case where a widowed father, due to his over possessiveness has initiated divorce proceedings by brain washing his daughter.

3. OVER POSSESSIVENESS

I know a wife who cannot bear it when her husband talks to anybody. I have two husband who won’t allow their wives (who are mothers of two, three kids) to go anywhere out alone by themselves .

4. LIVING IN AN IMAGINARY WORLD

Husbands or wives perceive imaginary injuries or slights and then keep harping on their imaginary wounds

5. SHOPKEEPER MENTALITY

I have done this for you, what have you done to me in return?

6. DOMINEERING by one of the partners

Some husbands treat wives like doormats and vice versa in some other cases

7. FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY

Due to qualification and social standing, the husband feels lesser than his wife and starts demoralizing her ,finding fault in small things and trying to destroy the self worth of the partner or vice versa

I feel the only way out is to realize that LOVE and not anything else is the bedrock of a marriage. Any problem like those shown above can then be easily solved. No sacrifice is then, a very high price to pay, for a successful, sustainable, marriage

The only question is whether it will be felt on both sides?